Draco's Struggle
by kael.malfoy
Summary: Everyone's having a rough time with the war raging on strong, even Draco Malfoy. The war is taking a grand toll on his family, not to mention his mental health. Can he make it through sixth year with the expectations of being a death eater, expectations he's not ready to meet?


Summary: Everyone's having a rough time with the war raging on strong, even Draco Malfoy. The war is taking a grand toll on his family, not to mention his mental health. Can he make it through sixth year with the expectations of being a death eater, expectations he's not ready to meet?

Author's Note: Hey readers ( or future readers), I'm starting this fic now, but if everything goes as planned I'll always be a couple chapters ahead of what I've posted so I shouldn't fall behind or lose track with this one. I'm going to try to keep the chapters long, and keep the fic long it's self. Happy reading! Oh and, it's rated M for a reason. Language won't always be the best. There may be swearing, drugs, and such what nots later on. Ennnnnnnjoy!

Disclaimer: None of it's mine. It's all JK Rowling's, I'm just playing with it.

**Chapter One: Summer's Closing**

"Wake up, sir. Master Lucius wishes to see you downstairs in an hour", said the Malfoy's head house elf, Marty.

Draco sat up, rubbed his eyes, and stretched his arms over his head with a powerful yawn. He peered through squinting eyes at the old house elf and smiled as warmly as a Malfoy can manage. It clashed with the white walls, white blankets, and other white furniture spread across the sixteen year olds over sized bedroom.

"I'm getting up now, Thank you," He said tossing back the comforter and swinging his legs over the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and relaxed for a moment. He wiggled his toes and wondered if he was the only one who had grown any this summer. He'd need new robes before the school year started, not that he wouldn't get them anyways. Malfoy's always _had_ to look the best.

He slid the rest of the way out of his bed and wandered over to his personal bathroom to take a shower. After spending close to the full hour perfecting his appearance for his father and who ever might be with him, Draco slipped out of his bedroom.

The Malfoy manor was a grand sight at best. It stood tall, miles from any other homes and hidden with protection spells that most have never heard of, never mind thought of. Draco was presently walking down its gorgeous spiraling staircase with metal railings and glossy wooden steps. Having a few minutes to spare, he grabbed a muffin from the kitchen and proceeded to eat it faster than what should be humanly possible.

Marty, the house elf, appeared once more. "Master Draco sir, you must go now. Master Lucius is waiting in his office for you." It was hard not to notice the distress coating the poor house elf's face. If Draco wasn't on time, he wouldn't be the only one getting punished.

Draco then took on a dignified fast pace, and made his way up a separate corridor and a set of stairs to reach his father's office. Once entering, the room was dim and his father was seated on the far side of the room. The walls were dressed head to toe in towering bookshelves drenched in books ranging from quidditch to dark magic. There was a fire place lit on the left, providing the only light in the room.

"Draco. Sit." His father snapped impatiently. It wasn't a good sign for his father to be so impatient at only 7:30 in the morning. Draco moved quickly to his seat and sat up right and as properly as you possibly can. He folded his hands in his lap and waited.

"As you already realize, the Dark Lord is at large and acerbic with our lack of ability when it comes to making the progress he wants to see. Our lord wishes to move into our home within the first few months you are in school, where he feels he will be able to have better control over his followers. It will put a strain on our family and the manor, but it's what is best for our lord."

'A strain on our family…what family do you speak of?' Draco thought snidely to himself.

"At any time you are at the manor I expect you to act as if we were in the presence of _Merlin_. You should be out of bed at 6 and catering to everything the Dark Lord or I wishes." Lucius hissed at him, demanding he respond respectfully and cooperates.

"Yes, Father." Draco moved his gaze to his hands, no longer wishing to look at the man he shared blood with.

"Look me in the eye, when you are talking to me!" His father raged in sudden anger.

The young Malfoy flinched and snapped, "Yes. Father."

With perfect timing, Narcissa Malfoy entered the room. "Darling, we must leave now or we will be late." Her eyes roamed Draco's gaunt face and then flicked on to her husband's. She stood with her back tall and her long gracious hair pulled back tighter than your skin lies on your bones.

Lucius turned to Draco and said, "You are excused. Go." And with that Draco left and proceeded to the library portion of their home.

Not long after sitting down to work on his summer assignments, the family owl flew in with a letter from Pansy. He tore it open with his teeth, and pulled out the brief, over bearing note.

Dear Draco,

I can't wait to see you on the train ride to school this upcoming year. I miss you're beautiful hair and gorgeous face. Maybe this year we can take our friendship a step further and perhaps my parents will even find the qualities they are looking for in you when it comes to finding my future spouse. A woman like me doesn't give too many opportunities Mr. Malfoy, so I wouldn't let this one pass you by.

Hope to see you soon and well,

Pansy Parkinson

Draco snorted and threw it in an enchanted trash can that immediately set it to flames.

'What a joke," He thought, "Me and Pansy? In her dreams. Whatta twat."

He smiled until he heard his parents enter the house. The slamming door and commotion coming from the foyer was exceptionally loud. A cold sweat broke out across his brow and he bit his lip with panic. They must have been at a death eater meeting. His father was never in the right mind when he came home from those, and he would know where to find him. Draco quickly swept his books together and made for his room.

He darted down the hallway, clipping a corner of the wall with his shoulder and dropping his books. Dropping to his knees to pick up the mess he looked up to see his approaching father.

"Can't even keep your books straight. You don't deserve to be a Malfoy." He spat, yanking me up by my hair and throwing me in the direction of the wall, cornering him the best he could.

'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," Draco thought, his entire insolent attitude gone with the knowledge of what would happen next. His father squeezed his face with his hands and put his forehead against his.

"You will conform to what the Lord wants you to be by the end of this summer. You will do everything he wants and you will do it correctly!" He hissed with spit flying from his mouth, "You pathetic excuse for a son, get yourself together and make me proud." He moved his hands from Draco's aching jaw and down to his forearm which he held with a death grip.

"Fucking waste of space." He barked before throwing Draco in the opposite direction as he flew back down the hallway where he came from.

A cloud of anger flushed through Draco and spun around and punched the wall out of frustration and the crack of his fingers breaking echoed between the walls. He growled and sank down wondering why he was raised in this house, and not with a happy family like Potter probably had.

He sat back with his eyes closed for a bit before picking up his things gently with his other hand and placing them in the crook of his other arm. He slowly crept to his room where he locked the door and climbed into bed.

Draco awoke to the sun shining through his windows that a house elf must have opened. He laid in bed and tried to ignore the throbbing coming from his hand. He noticed that the ceiling's little details could form shapes if you looked for them, and wondered what his father would think if he told him that.

He walked to the bathroom while stripping of his shirt and boxers, and then attempted to move his fingers while climbing into the shower. He was able to move three of the five fingers on his left hand and ignored the pain by concentrating on washing his heavy hair. It was getting long. Like his father's.

He slowly slid down onto the floor of his shower where he brought his knees up to chest and rested his forehead on his knees. Why did his father feel so much love for the Dark Lord, but can't feel any compassion for him? He was his son, his heir, it's ridiculous for him to deserve such criticism from someone he tries so hard to be a model son for. Draco sat there and wondered if there was ever a time his family wasn't this way. He wondered if every family was this way. Why wasn't he ever good enough?

"I hate him." Draco said starring at the porcelain shower wall. He said it again testing it on his tongue.

"I hate him!" He screamed on the top of his lungs, although the sound would never leave the bathroom. His voice cracked and he starred at his hands while his breathing became uneven. With erratic movements he stepped out of the shower, sopping wet, and went in front of the mirror.

"Cut my hair." He commanded to the mirror. The magical mirror trimmed off the edges of his hair, taking of perhaps three centimeters.

"No. Don't trim it. Cut it. Short." He said while creating a puddle on the floor. In the blink of an eye it was above his ears.

"Again." He said his voice wavering. It was short and it all spiked out upwards or to the sides.

Draco rubbed it with his hands, it was soft and it felt like he was rubbing his hand through the perfectly trimmed grass in the fields behind their home where he went to fly. It would no longer need to be gelled back or tied back into a pony tail. He couldn't if he tried. There was hardly anything to grab. His eyes stood out more, shockingly blue and grey.

He scooped up his towel and shakes his hair dry while searching for a cotton button up and some of his better black tailored pants. After getting dressed, he stops by the mirror one last time.

"I think you look quite dreamy," said the mirror in its high pitched, feminine voice. He smiled, and then frowned at how pissed his father would be when he saw it.

To be honest, Draco couldn't remember why he had even made the rash decision to cut it in the first place. He had loved his long hair; it was silky and shined in the sun after he brushed it. His frown deepened. It was like he couldn't control himself anymore.

He sized himself up one last time, straightened out his posture, and pushed his shoulders back. Draco took a few deep breaths for good measure, and left his bedroom.

His mother was sitting in the dining hall alone, at the incredibly long dinner table. She didn't take her eyes off of the Daily Prophet to greet him, and said nothing at all.

When he pulled back his chair and sat down, a wide range of food presented themselves in front of him. As any growing boy would, he dug in, while reaching for his own copy of the Daily Prophet. Harry Potter's name was written on top of the front page, where he was being called in imbecile and a liar.

_**Harry Potter! Liar or Pathetic Young Teenager?**_

_Is You Know Who really back, or is this young teenage boy just looking for more attention? With the lack of dark activity as of late it's easy to say yes, it is. Harry Potter, famous since a young age, is clearly craving more fame and using this cruel ways to find it. He is outrageously claiming the rise of You Know Who has begun again, and he even claims that Cedric Digory was killed by him! Mr. Digory's death was a tragic and being said, but it was made crystal clear to us that it was just an awful accident. Dumbledore has been influencing his opinion on You Know Who on our children for too long! And Harry Potter is his right hand man…_

'What hogwash. Some people are just mentally slow.' Draco thought to himself, pitying the shock these people would soon be getting.

"You're father is out for the day, you should study." His mother finally said. Her voice was stony, and she finally brought up her ice cold eyes to look at him, "Draco! What did you to do your-"

"I'll be in the library if you need me." He cut her off, meeting her gaze head on.

"Severus will be over for diner later tonight. He will speak to you of you're studies afterwards." She snapped.

Draco hadn't had the opportunity to see his uncle all summer. He hurried to the library to make sure his potions homework was completely done before Severus arrived. It wouldn't bode well for him to see he put it off to the last minute.

When Severus arrived, the family sat down at the dinner table, Draco and Snape on one side, his parents on the other. Lucius had been starring only at Draco for the past five minutes. While Draco spoke to Severus about how he had spent his summer. All discussions were court and proper, as they should be.

Severus noticed Lucius stare and ignored it, for there was nothing he could do. Draco had brought this one on himself.

'This must be the first time Lucius has seen Draco, since Draco severed off all of his hair. I would have heard of it otherwise. What an insulting move to make towards his father.' Snape considered silently, inwardly smirking at how outrageous the child can be at times.

Draco was mid sentence when his father sharp voice cut him off, "Draco! What did you do to you're hair."

Draco's mind had been racing with excuses all day and it was nearing the finish line now, "I asked the mirror to trim it, and this is what occurred. I apologize for ignorance of the mirror that did it; I should have done it myself instead of using magic."

His father searched his face for any signs that he was lying, and then replied with, "I will have that mirror replaced. Let's hope you're hair grows back quickly."

Draco frowned, "That won't be necessary. I took care of the mirror myself." It wasn't the mirror's fault, it was his. No need for it to be destroyed.

His father nodded, "As to be expected from my son." His father and Snape carried on with their conversations over several topics before the house elves appeared to clear the table and Draco was sent to wait for Snape in the den across from his room while they spoke in my father's office about business.

He sat on the couch and twiddled his tumbles while studying the paintings on the wall. The fire starred at him warmly, spitting out ashes everywhere that it could reach. If only it could burn down the entire manor for him.

"Draco?" Snape asked walking in and taking a seat in the pale chair diagonal to him.

"Yes, sir."

"That won't be necessary right now."

"Okay, Uncle Severus." Draco said relaxing some.

"How's you're father been treating you this summer?" He said, masking his concern with an unimaginable amount of layers.

"He hasn't laid a hand on me." Draco said, wondering how he remained unscathed all summer long.

"Good. I've tried to keep him out of the house, but there occasions where I have no control over such things. You'll be better off at school in September." The fire light was reflecting off of Snape's hair, which made Draco smile in amusement. It soon dropped with the next thought.

"He's coming to live here."

Snape turned his gaze directly into Draco's eyes, "Yes, yes he is. It's nothing for you to concern you're self over. He won't kill you. You're Lucius's son."

Draco sat still for quite a few minutes before saying, "Isn't strange, Severus. That I have to worry about being killed in my own home," Draco laughed bitterly and his voice took on a snide tone, "I'm tired of this war."

"Mmm. Aren't we all? We will win soon, and it will all be worth while, you'll see." Severus looked at the wall smirking, "I presume you've finished your potions homework?"

Draco laughed, "Yes, sir. I have."

"You can talk to me Draco. I know what it's like." Severus said, dropping back down to the more serious subjects.

Draco looked at his hands only.

"Draco, your father wants you to go with us to the next Death Eater meeting. I'm not sure when it will be, but I presume before school." Severus paused momentarily, "It won't be the best experience as you know from the ones you've been to in the past. I just thought you should know in advance."

Draco nodded. He had been surprised he hadn't needed to go lately.

"Our Lord feels that you are ready to receive your dark mark. He wants you to have it before you go to school, so that you have it through out the year."

Draco could only nod. There was nothing to say. He couldn't refuse it, or attempt to avoid it. It was what had to be done.

"I'm sure you know the process, and I don't need to heed you of the pain or such. Do try and take a dreamless sleep that night though. Even your father had to take that precaution when his time came."

Draco momentarily forgot about his fingers and rang out his hands. One of the fingers made and awful cracking noise which didn't pass by Snape.

"Ah, yes. Let me see that hand of yours. I could tell from mile away that you've done something to it." Severus said as he stood up and dug into his infinitely deep pockets searching for something. He pulled out a cream and his wand, and corrected all of his fingers to the way they should be.

"They'll be sore for the next few days, but you'll survive. I must leave now, Albus is waiting for me at Hogwarts." Severus said, preparing to take his leave, "Come see me when we are back in school. We'll discuss things further then."

He placed his hand on Draco's shoulder, looked into his eyes on last time, and then left the room silently. Draco starred back at the fire and though of what this school year held for him. Perhaps too much.

His classes would be a full schedule, and he would be practicing quidditch as well. He needed to maintain his prefect duties and not to mention the things going on at home and around the world. His father would regularly send him letters with news, and he was worried what else his father would be having him do this year.

Not to mention he would have to deal with Potter and all of his little followers. After helping Umbridge find their little secret meetings last year, Potter seemed even angrier with him. Draco found it hilarious. His father had command that he stay close with Umbridge for she was the key to the lock for the Dark Lord to get into the ministry.

'She really was a rubbish teacher though, no wands…who was she kidding? Crazy bitch.' Draco thought laughing to himself.

Draco stood up and moved into his bedroom, and proceeded to undress and change. With one week left in summer, there was a lot left to do. He climbed in bed after looking at his hair one last time. It was shocking that his father hadn't blown up at the table right then and there. Good thing Severus had come for dinner. He closed his eyes and counted until he began to repeatedly forget what number he was on, and then fell asleep.

It wasn't until 8 that Draco awoke the next day. He followed his usual routine and at a silent breakfast with his mother before going to check their owlery. You had to leave the main building of the mansion to do so.

No matter how many awful things happened on the Malfoy Estate, there was no denying how beautiful it was. There was a gravel path that leads you to the tall, mind blowing owlery. It was surrounded by green, waving grass with spots of small flowers that have sprouted up where they please. There was a small creek to the left and a stream to the right. It was a heavenly sight.

He climbed up the stairs of the cylinder shaped building full of windows that followed you up. He reached the top floor, and only floor, and saw one barn owl stick out from the rest. His school letter had arrived. He tore it open neatly, for his father and mother would wish to see it as well.

'My OWL scores are good,' Draco thought, 'All A's and O's.'

The next page was a list of required materials he would need for the school year. He would receive his time table until the first day of school. He would be taking his NEWT level classes, which included the regular courses such as transfiguration, charms, history of magic, potions and such and he had chosen to take ancient runes because he found the class challenging. Draco took a second to wonder how Crabbe and Goyle did on their OWLs and then laughed to him self.

He tucked the two pages back inside the envelope, and told the owl to take it to this father's office. They would have to make a trip to Diagon Alley soon. It's always a long day when you go there.

Draco then went back into his room and began to prepare what he already had for school, happy that soon he would be in the Slytherin common rooms instead of at the manor.

A/N: So. I hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me if you find any mistakes or such, I'm not the best proof reader! I hope that it's long enough, I have a written out plan for the story and I don't want to drag out or ramble at all so this seemed about right. Please let me know what you think. Thank You!


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